Interpretation and perception. It’s all football analysis is about really. One thing we love as fans is dramatic noise; we crave ways of pinning the importance or brilliance of a performance into easy to digest statements. Game-by-game we’ll find new ways of encapsulating our team’s predicament into snippets of understanding, mostly looking to offer clarity and eye-catching summaries which help articulate the magnitude of what is going on.

With this in mind, I’ve taken the liberty of collating a small selection of ready-made stats for use between now and our next game. Even after what was a terrific victory over Walsall, we’ll all find ourselves in a slightly difference place. But fear not – there’s an interpretation in here for everyone, whatever your philosophical bent.

Coventry City are 11 points off the play-offs. Oh City, you mediocre bastards.

Coventry City are the sixth highest scorers in England this season. Oh City, you sensational bastards.

Coventry City are six points off relegation. Oh City, you useless bastards.

Coventry City are undefeated in two. Oh City, you resurgent bastards. 

Coventry City have the third worst defensive record in League One. Oh City, you porous bastards.

Coventry City have won more games than any other team outside of the play-offs. Oh City, you dominant bastards.

Coventry City have only won one game in five. Oh City, you free-falling bastards.

Coventry City have lost ten games this season – only Crawley have lost fewer games outside of the top five. Oh City, you resolute bastards.

Coventry City would be 16 points off relegation without the points deduction. Oh City, you relaxed bastards.

Coventry City losing this Saturday could potentially see them just three points off relegation. Oh City, you scary bastards.

Coventry City’s pre-deduction total of 51 points would have already made them safe in all but one of the last 14 League One seasons. Oh City, you safe bastards.

And finally….

Without the points deduction, Coventry City would be just one point off the play-offs. Oh SISU/ACL/Football League, you robbing bastards.

Good luck getting a straight answer out of me in tonight’s Nii Lamptey Show.


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